Television Lies To You

At Job Centre, a woman shows a Knight Rider poster to the woman behind the desk – “Yes, I’d like something where I get to drive an indestructible supercar, who is also my BFF, to fight crime and right wrongs.”

I grew up watching 1980s television and film and I definitely remember that if you were any ordinary person with a dream, a good heart and a funky, sarcastic attitude it was a shoe-in that everything worked out for you; money, romance, career, the lot.

The Goonies Poster recreation with Mum, Dad, Thing1 and Thing 2 hanging from a stalactite over pirate ship full of treasure below.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy with the romance, that went as planned (unless we count that first guy before your Dad – which we definitely don’t BTW) but the career and the copious amounts of money have definitely been more elusive.

I feel like the opportunities I expected to encounter, simply never showed up. 

Army Recruitment Office – “No A-Team? How then am I supposed to get framed for a crime I didn’t commit to promptly escape to live as a soldier of fortune?!” Army recruitment sergeant looks unimpressed

I mean, it seems unfathomable, but to this day I have never once, NOT ONCE, EVER, been presented with 30 million dollars to spend over thirty days in order to inherit 300 million dollars.  I know, right?! 

I have also never been called to a lawyer’s office to be challenged to spend a night in a haunted mansion in order to inherit it – and growing up this one had always seemed the most CERTAIN of all.  It happened to someone on Scooby-Doo every other week.

Worse, I have found not one single piece of pirate gold.  ANYWHERE.  And believe you me, I’ve looked.

Woman and Man Metal-detectoring in a pond – Woman: “Another coke-can. Is that a jelly-fish?” Man staring at condom on end of metal detector “Nope...”

I feel that maybe, just maybe, television has LIED to me, and that all the scenarios I have so carefully prepared myself for in life are actually just fantasies of some kind.

I’m not saying I’ve learnt nothing useful from TV – I can swing myself in and out of an open Dodge Charger window instead of using the door …well, I could, …until my late twenties.  I am great at recognising when a plan comes together, and I am SPOT ON at pitying fools.  I am a bit lacking in direction though, if I’m honest.

I suppose what I’m trying to say is this, following a question you asked me last night, I thought it important to point out that television, film, and indeed gaming, are not accurate depictions of where your life is headed.

Little boy asks “Soooo, hypothetically, where could I acquire a diamond pickaxe or a Pokemon ball?” Mum shrugs and says “Erm...”

It’s wonderful to lose yourself in action and adventure for an hour or two.  Real life can be a little boring in comparison, but it is more realistic to think that your life may turn out more similar to the adults you’re around now, than to say, Pokemon Trainers or Steve from Minecraft.

I could be wrong, certainly the possibility of a brave new world – where you need to spend all your time gathering food and weapons and building shelters – is ever more in the mix, but I think it’s safe to assume that Pokemon Trainer is off the table.

…unless of course the Matrix we all inhabit gets upgraded to include a Kawaii texture-pack?

2 thoughts on “Television Lies To You”

  1. Funny thing – I do still watch General Hospital and I have to say, my life did turn out a bit like that! I never realized until I read this! 😆

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